Uncomfortably Numb...

What can we take on trust
in this uncertain life? Happiness, greatness,
pride - nothing is secure, nothing keeps.
~Euripides, Hecuba


I tried desperately not to look at him. I tried to hide my tears. I failed, miserably. Somehow I felt that he will come by, console me, and give me a tight hug. Nothing happened. Nothing ever did. My mind was hounded by sudden flashbacks. His funny yet sensitive face was all I could see when I closed my eyes. As I walked back in the rain, all I could imagine was that he will come running like a bollywood hero, grab me, and make my pain vanish into thin air.

“What was I thinking?”- I wondered. What was I thinking when I became friends with him. What was I thinking when I let him open my hair, cup my face and plant a gentle kiss on my lips? What did he ever do to deserve any of that? What was I thinking when I lied to my mother about an assignment when all I did was get drunk in his filthy apartment and run around stark naked while he videotaped my antics on his expensive camera phone? What was I thinking?

I am a debutante porn star, what a joke! I am sure every guy in this college has the damned video which might later assist him in making sweet love to himself. Why God, why me? I shouted. A bisexual replied from somewhere, -“ ooooo…..babbbyy….fuck thy lord…fuck him…fuck him.” I looked around, disgruntled. Not a single person wanted to talk to me. I am the scandalous whore. And Vikram? Oh, that bastard has a new chick sucking his cock now.

I am not a princess after all. And there obviously isn’t any man who would have the balls to like me, cause I have already “given my flower” to someone whose presence has shaken the core of my very existence. To hell with everything. I close my eyes, again. I am in a missionary school where my principal faints after I utter a rather commonplace expletive.

“Don’t let the devil get the better of you my child.”- She says after coming back to her senses.

I replied nonchalantly, -“Guess what sister, He already did.”