Monday, February 7, 2011
Inspired from reality and a movie I had recently seen.
Words are failing me,so is my mind.I am confused and dazed.Time passes by but somehow I am unable to react.My mind is clouded by the thoughts of a person who made me question my very existence.I lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling for hours unable to comprehend my feelings for someone whom I can never have a life with,at least in this life time.
He is nothing like the kind of person I could possibly be interested in.He is uncouth and smokes like a chimney.He cracks a joke in the most inappropriate situation but still manages to make everyone laugh.He hates dogs and he hates children.He dislikes nearly everything I could associate myself with.Yet, when we talked it was as though nothing could ever go wrong.Time was reduced to mere nothingness as we sat for hours near the airport watching planes take off while sipping on our hot coffee.I wanted him to know how happy I felt in his presence,I wanted to care for him,to be there for him.Things progressed and we became close friends but I was too scared to let him know about my feelings.Too apprehensive that things might not turn out the way I wished.Still I was quite optimistic till my friend came up to me and said that he has been going out with someone else.Within an instant my world came crashing down and I had absolutely no clue what to do next.
What does it take to love someone truly?What does it take to love someone in spite of knowing that he can never reciprocate your feelings?Nothing really.I feel drowned by my own emotions feeling entirely helpless about my current disposition.I feel terribly guilty because what I did clearly defies any logic or explanation.I have decided not to let go of myself like this,ever.I can't tell my friends because I don't want sympathy,I don't want someone telling me-"You will be fine."Because I know I won't, for a very long time.I am writing to you because I had no one else to approach.Please get back to me soon.
Remember your Guardian angel and best friend whom you fondly call-"Mother"??She has been there for you even before you were born.She loved you unconditionally no matter what you did,what you said.My point in saying that, is WE women have a tremendous capability of showering affection irrespective of what the other person feels or does.
Is Reciprocation the only reward for true love?Can you possibly STOP liking someone just because he happens to like someone else?NO you can't,you just CAN'T.
Honestly, even marriages can crumble down, so this just might not be the "final" relationship of his life,you know. I am not telling you to wait for him till eternity,I am just telling you to give life another chance(with this guy or with someone else.)Don't ignore your friend and try to maintain your relationship with him just as before.You need to have the conviction to go there in front of him and accept him for who he is than what he can become.
Love does not make you feel guilty but strengthens your inner self.If you truly and passionately love this person you have to be patient and wait.Who knows by then, someone else may come and steal your heart away.Cheesy but yes,Life is unpredictable and that is the beauty of it.Lastly,“May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.”
Waiting for your reply,
Love and best wishes,
Thursday, February 3, 2011
It has been almost a month since I had posted something on my blog.My last post received unexpected comments, hence this time I wanted to pen down something which would bring me back my reader's adulation.Then one day I heard my professor speak in class,-"You always have a choice and so do people around you.If they dislike what you write they should not visit your blog.Write for yourself and not for others".Reality stuck me hard after I heard him speak this way.I knew he was right,yet I was having difficulty in admitting it.
My little head was bombarded with questions galore."Why was I so keen on pleasing people?","How does someone Else's opinion matter more than mine?"...I can write shit and be happy for all I care.I mean every time I keep telling people how to happy about small things when I myself cant be happy with the things I do. At times, I come across really fancy writers who have a vocabulary larger than the thesaurus. It makes me wonder-"Why am I all that simple?".
My knowledge about plainer stuff like current affairs,music and movies also remote considering the fact that I am a media student and I should know who "Guy Richie" and "A Raja" is. OK, I Do know who they are but NOT enough to be a Hermione and answer a certain Professor Snape.Hardly makes sense,I know but in the rat race of life I feel as if I have lost myself and may be this post is a way to get back to being who I was.
The other day I was talking to this FTII fellow telling him how much I loved writing and how I want my proses to inspire people around me.Later when I was thinking about this conversation I felt as a precocious teenager who had just realized how stupid she is.To inspire or remotely touch people's lives one needs to be compassionate and kind,so how does a girl who barely has time for her family inspire people to love one another. How does a person who is often thankless and rude to her friends preach mercy and forgiveness.I was and I am not any Mother Teresa but at times I feel as if I have terribly wronged people who have forgiven me without any condition or clause.
I am not perfect and I can never be one but I can at least be humane in my approach towards life.I,Me,Us,WE all have a choice to care or not to care,to be or not to be, to cry or not to cry, to forgive or hate someone without knowing what we would have done in their place.Thereby I promise to be a better person or at least try to be one for the sake of myself and the people continue to love me relentlessly.