Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Of Nothingness and of me ..

Okay, so how do I put this? I am not in a mood of writing. I write this because I simply don’t have a choice. I write this because I am surprised at how hollow and selfish people can be at times. I am surprised that when people had earlier said that they would be there for you they only meant it until they realized that your mere presence was fatal to their established “image” as a do gooder who couldn’t possibly be associated with a girl who is indecisive and vile.

I am astounded at the audaciousness of people who tell me to be brave and “stop running away” when they aren’t even ready to pause briefly and ask me what the reason for my present state of mind is. I have always been an idealist who refused to bother thinking about what people around may perceive of her. I have always believed that no matter what I do, I need to stand in front of the mirror at the end of the day and look into my own eyes with any guilt or repent. I have always been indifferent to what “others might say” because quite honestly, people will judge you even if you are Mother Teresa. But today I discovered that people whom I considered to be my best friends suddenly decided to not even remotely pay attention to my plight because it might risk them their social status in an ignorable classroom where a bunch of hoodlums quite amicably take the liberty of pulling each other down to the best of their abilities.

I am appalled because I have always thought that people (including me) have the right to make mistakes, which is the way we get better .You trip and you fall and then you get up and eventually even the deepest of wounds dry up leaving behind a scar, a constant reminder of the past which will never be forgotten.

Reality would perhaps continue to get the better of me, making me feel worthless with every passing day. But even then, I will never let anyone take decisions for me; I will never let anyone to prevent me for thinking for myself. I wish I could say that this too shall pass, but considering how some people can hurt you more than you think they can, this one incident might leave a scar on my mind, forever.