Sometimes the idea of pain is utterly unfathomable and then all of a sudden it becomes a horrid truth, negating the reason for your existence. And so my friend said, I was hyperventilating. Maybe I was, but I spent the week in sheer misery, recovering and falling into repeated hallucinations which was the by-product of an otherwise nonchalant viral fever.
I didn't visit the doctor in the beginning because it felt like something I could deal with. I mean if I couldn't deal with a weather change flu, nothing would ever be easy for me. Turns out self-medication was a terrible idea. In six days, I went from 'oh I can't smell my food' to 'my skin is burning so much that I should be allowed to have a water hose at my disposal' The pain, was excruciating to say the least, and when I finally ended up visiting a general physician at a local nursing home, she suggested I take a paracetamol injection.
"WHAT? Really? What do you think I have been surviving on for the past six days?"
"This is a strong dose, it'll help you sleep."
By then, I think I had lost it. May be without an iota of rhyme or reason but for the first time in my life, I didn't feel utterly invincible. I broke down in front of the doctor, who wanted me to leave the place rather than 'create a scene.' My friend was awe-struck and should I say bamboozled by how I transfigured from a shivering Eskimo to a hysteric insomniac.
I called up my parents, and almost begged them to let me come home. I felt I couldn't do without them. It felt utterly unreasonable to spend a bomb on flight tickets, when probably a day or two's rest in Hyderabad too, could have served me fine. But I was hell-bent. Home was what I needed, the only thing which could make me feel better.
So, I went home last Friday, the doctor I was taken to was unbelievably friendly, I was actually a tad bit disappointing that he didn't offer me a candy after being so kind to me. Anyhow, blood tests were done, I had a refrigerator full of food at my disposal. And my beautiful three dogs, wonderfully understanding, who pampered me, must I say, rightfully so.
This post is also for my parents, who arranged for my travel at a moment's notice, my brother who kept calling and enquring about my health. My friends at office whose messages made me realise, there is a lot to come back and look forward to.
My friends at home, you know who you are, for meeting me at a moment's notice, for almost disowning me for forgetting on which floor our class XII classroom was, for being there for me whenever I needed you. I don't feel the need to grow up, when you guys are around.
Lastly, S, you come at the bottom of the thank you list but you know that you are always at the back of my mind, especially now that you have inherited my flu. Your incomprehensibly disgusting jokes, make me realise that at last, I have met my match.
The matter of fact remains that of course we are responsible for our health and well-being. But there are times, when everything seems out of control. The idea is not to try to be in control, when you know you can't. Instead, let go. Weep hysterically at a public place, treat yourself to nice warm food, watch your favourite movie ten times on DVD, and never forget the people who forever have their arms outstretched to catch you, when are about to fall. Maybe there is a bruised elbow, or you escape unscathed.
Or you are just scared. And that's why, even in the bleakest times, a mother's kiss on your forehead is sufficient to make you feel alright. Because believe it or not, even when medicines cease to work, people make miracles happen.