A page from my Life Diary

Life seems so pathetically unjust at times(no make that EVERY TIME!). My father comes home shouting at the top of this voice and I have to constantly cope with his uneven temper. Mom returns and says-"Why was your phone busy?Were you up up all afternoon chatting with your boyfriend?Were You?"

Then again i find them telling me that i am incapable of doing any good.I am tired of being everyone's venting machine. It is so difficult to stay alone at home home all day and then have your parents coming back only to shout their wits of at you. Its just that they never realized the troubles i have been facing growing up all by myself,having no one to talk to.At school,I was betrayed hurt and made fun of and at home,my sanity was put to test.Whoa!life could not have been better.

Love is a fanciful subject,but yet again i believe in it because i have been deprived of affection all my life. I often find myself standing in front of the mirror; talking to it; earnestly hoping that it would lend an arm and help me get through the mess called "LIFE".I love watching Disney, mommy tells me I am too old for it, then why does she suspect me of watching porn if i am old enough?? She thinks when she is away,I invite my "BOYFRIENDS" to come over.

I do wonder at times-"Is it so difficult to trust someone like me?Can't they accept me for who i am?And as far as guys are concerned-"Who would even like someone like me?" Someone who is apprehensive,timid and unsmart ,someone who is scared of letting anyone near her because she cannot afford to be cheated on?Once when i was romantically involved with a guy;one of his female friends had told him-"She will never be able to satisfy you physically,I mean have you looked at her,seriously!!".I never really knew people could be this sick,gosh!

Well!that is why I believe that daydreaming works best for me.I need not change because my loved ones are supposed to adore me for what i am than what i can become! And as far the cliched "perfect Man" idea is concerned..here goes my super cliched reply.."And one day he will come,i know he will!!"Someone who will be like a father when i am sick, a friend when i am distressed and a lover when i need a shoulder to cry on.Yeah!!A pathetic life does give you plentiful of reasons to hope.Although platonic love is a distant myth;I do wish for certain things to change in the future and change for the better.

Regards,
Amrita